From Honeymoon to Heartache: The Truth About Moving to a New Country

Moving to a new country is like starting a relationship.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you moved to a new country after 50? (I’ll tell you: life gets exciting again.)

At first, it’s all hunky-dory and roses. The excitement of discovering local cuisine, chic neighborhoods, and quaint restaurants pulls you in like a whirlwind romance. I remember my first days in Beijing… wandering through the Beijing 798 art zone, stumbling across a restaurant famous for Peking Duck, and then finding a cool cafe that served exciting teas.

Everything felt exciting.

But it never stays that way.

There’s this thing called the Fullan Dip. Have you ever heard of it?

Where are you on your journey? Image taken by author

It's that slump after the initial high of something new, after a change. And it hits hard after you’ve packed your life into suitcases and tried to start over in a foreign country. It’s like the honeymoon is over, and suddenly, you’re faced with all the frustrations of trying to understand a culture, a language, or even just how to drive without losing your mind.

In Abuja, I remember noticing the driving first… the chaos, the lack of rules (or what felt like it). I would grip the wheel so hard my hands hurt… and every ride felt like survival.

Then, in Luanda, it got worse. I didn’t even want to leave my apartment. Everyone spoke Portuguese (no fault of theirs). I got so tired of ordering food in a restaurant and seeing the waiter's face morph into confusion when I tried to order… once again…I just wanted to eat (aargh).

That’s when the dip hit hard.

The Dip Is Real… And It’s Ugly

I’d call it the "I’m not leaving my house" phase. I didn’t leave my apartment for two days straight, and I spent one weekend in Luanda. I just couldn’t face the world outside. I knew no one… and I was sick of being the outsider. The girl who couldn't speak the language, who didn’t know how to navigate the streets.

No matter how often I stopped and asked for directions, I always got lost in Tokyo. Everything felt foreign… too foreign. And for someone who’s done this 11 times, you'd think I’d be used to it by now.

Spoiler alert: I’m not.

Every country is a new mountain to climb. Some are steeper than others. But here’s the thing… that dip… it doesn’t last forever.

Climbing Out of the Dip

You know what saved me? Finding my places, my people, especially my people. In every country, there comes a moment when I start to feel… at home. Like I’ve finally planted some roots in foreign soil. In Beijing, it was finding a dog-friendly salon where I could get a great mani-pedi. I had my routine. My go-to place. Then, I found an English-speaking vet. I swear, I was over the moon. That’s when I knew—this place could be home.

In Vietnam, it was a little different. I had a regular motorbike driver… someone who knew my name and greeted me every morning. The streets no longer felt like an obstacle course. The neighborhood sounds became a comforting routine… the same voices, the same greetings… it felt like I belonged.

The Five Stages of the Fullan Dip

So, let me break it down.

Here are the five stages I’ve experienced in every single country I’ve lived in:

1. Excitement: It’s all new! I’m discovering the best cafes and the coolest hangout spots, and I’m in love with everything.

2. Frustration: I hit roadblocks… like language barriers, cultural differences, or even trying to figure out how to get groceries.

3. Isolation: This is when I feel like an outsider. I don’t know anyone and don’t understand the local humor or the back story… I feel alone.

4. Adaptation: Slowly, I start finding my people… my places… and things get easier.

5. Belonging: Finally, the noises and faces become familiar, and I feel like this new country is starting to become home.

Why I Keep Moving Despite the Dip

Here’s the weird thing, though - I know the dip is coming… every single time. I know I’ll go through those stages, yet I keep moving. Why?

Because the highs are worth the lows, the discovery… the moments of feeling like I’ve conquered a new place… outweigh the frustration and isolation.

And isn’t that what life is about? Pushing through the challenging moments to reach something beautiful on the other side. The growth happens when you step out of your comfort zone.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the dip (whether it’s moving to a new country or just life changes), let me tell you—it’s temporary. You will find your rhythm again. You will find your place. You will find your people. And soon enough, what feels foreign will feel like home.

Why It’s Worth It

So, here’s the thing… moving to a new country isn’t easy. You’ll hit walls, face frustrations, and maybe even cry over a bad translation. But it's worth every tough moment once you push through the dip and find your places and people.

You will soon feel like you belong. Living in 11 countries has taught me that the discomfort of change always leads to something better on the other side. So, if you’re stuck in the dip right now… just keep going.

Home isn’t a place—it’s a feeling you create.

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